Everything is fabulous in the city.
I'm feeling in the highest of spirits today, I think "Cloud 9" is what some people call it. And that is because, I'm realizing that everything is coming full circle for me, and everything is really starting to make sense. My passion is becoming a reality, and I can't even begin to describe to you have thankful I am for God and the opportunity He has given me to discover my true love: fashion.
It's been there my entire life... but I always thought I needed to do something that was more "within my reach." I was being so cruel to myself, denying my dreams, but no more.
I CAN do this, and I WILL do this.
But, that's a different rant, for a different day. :)
Right now, I want to discuss with you all, particularly young girls, or girls reaching adulthood (like myself) as to what it really means to follow your own dreams.
There's a difference between following your own real dreams, and following the dreams that you think you are supposed to have.
While that might sound all deep and philosophical or whatever that crap is, the bottom-line is: take care of yourself first, this is your time to be selfish.
And by selfish, I don't mean take food from small children or manipulate an enemy.
By selfish, I mean worry about your own needs.
Your own dreams, ambitions, life goals... this is YOUR time, and this is when you get to make all of the decisions and run the show, because right now, it's all about YOU.
I've been a relationship girl, my whole life. I went from one committed relationship directly to the next. Then after that, I never truly stopped dating. I went from guy to guy, date after date, talking-ship after talking-ship.
And why? Because I was basing my life off of what I thought I was suppose to want.
Committed relationship by 20, a bachelors-required job by 23, married before I hit 25, with maybe one kid, and working on the next.
And honestly, that is quite an amazing/blessed life, but that didn't mean that it is/was the right life for me.
Because the truth is, if my life would have started out on that path, I know for a fact that I would not be happy. I've had this burning passion in me to travel, to try new things, and to really find something that makes me have a die-hard, intense value for the life I lead.
And the American dream just doesn't fit that mold for me.
So back to the point, over the previous years, I've basically had the picture I painted for you above planned out for me. So I started trying a little too hard to make that happen.
Long story short, I was dating guys that didn't really fit the mold for what I wanted in my life.
And the worst part: I was going to let my "affection" for them trump over my true desires.
If you haven't figured it out already, I almost considered turning down the opportunity of a lifetime for someone that I was convincing myself I had strong feelings for.
Sure, he was a good guy, but not worth giving up my dreams.
So I procrastinated (and if you know me, you'll know that I'm truly allergic to procrastination and slacking off), and prayed I wouldn't get a response, thinking to myself "love wins all" and some other cliché bull-crap. (I wasn't in love, so why I even had that thought is beyond me).
So this previous semester, when I was waiting in the wings to hear whether or not I would get this internship, I secretly hoped that it wouldn't work out.
Because why? Because I was brainwashing myself. Telling myself that if I didn't "lock him down now" I would regret it forever.
And guess what? We decided that we weren't right for each other the next week, and broke things off.
That right there, is why at the age of 20, you don't tell your dreams no.
What if that little relationship would have lasted a few more weeks, and say I would have figured out that I had received the internship? What would I have done then.... turned it down?
It makes me sick to think about. I couldn't have imagined not having this experience. It's opened me up to who I want to be, what I want to do, and where I want to live.
I've found me this summer... so what would I have found if I had chosen a faulty relationship?
Ding ding ding: Nothing, or an "illusion" of what I "wanted."
So ladies, and even gents, don't be cruel to yourself. LOVE yourself, and don't tell yourself no.
Unless it's drugs, always say no to drugs.
So, in a weird way, thank the people who have broken your heart, screwed you over in someway, or have just been downright hateful.
Because they're the reason that you're able to properly take care of yourself, and understand what "yourself" actually even means.
And once you let your dreams unfold, get settled in for the ride of your life, and you really genuinely feel like you're living the way you've always desired... that's when you're ready.
And by ready, I mean ready to open your life up to another human being.
I know I know, I talk about this a lot. But that's because, unfortunately at the age of 20, I've had too much experience with commitment, and I know the results of those situations.
You start thinking with someone else's brain, planning a life that only half-excites you, just hoping that this person will be the ticket to your happiness.
And maybe they will be, but if you have even the smallest shred a doubt in your body, it probably isn't.
If you let this process prolong for too long, telling someone what they want to hear... you'll just end up hurting them in the end.
And you'll feel like the bad guy. A really, really, really bad guy... for breaking all the promises you made, for ruining the trust you built.
So that's why I'm warning you, loving now has consequences. Teen romances are great, life-changing, and intoxicating.
But ask yourself, "Have I conquered my own dreams yet?"
If the answer is no, think twice.
I know this probably sounds a little too cynical, but I'm just speaking from experience... and I hope you benefit from what I have to say in someway.
Dream big, dream for you, and love when you're ready.
Much love.
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