Tonight.. NYC is basically what I would call a horrendous hurricane.
It's storming, but I will say, I love it. I'm all snuggled up, listening to the rain outside of my window, with a crash of thunder every now and then... and it's quite peaceful.
But the rain, it causes me to think. And think, and think some more...
And with this long period of thinking, I've been able to do some "self-reflection." (Is that the correct cliché term?)
Over this little brain-blast session, I put together a list of things I think I need to share. I've been in relationships since I was 14, and it finally clicked with me today... I have so much else to fall in love with first, and some of it I already have.
Self-discovering is essential to be happy, and in order to pursue a relationship? You must be happy with who you are.... so people, before you meet Mr. Right/Mrs. Right, here's a few things that should occupy your heart first:
1) A City
- Yes, I'm being serious. Ever since I moved to New York City, I'm learned so much about myself. Like, how things don't really effect me as much as they used to, that I'm going to be okay on my own. In fact, I really like it on my own. Cities have so much to offer, from food to museums, from dives to high-end restaurants, from beautiful parks to piers by the river. Moving and experiencing what a city has to offer you is more than just a geographical move, it's a personal move. You'll change, realize who YOU are, and who you really want to be... without anyone holding you back. It doesn't even have to be NYC... you could go to Chicago, LA, Paris, Milan, or even Tokyo! Spread your wings, and fall in love with a city, because that city will give you insight to just how capable you are of making it in this world, and in turn, you'll fall in love with yourself.
2) Your Career
- I know, I know, this one is often frowned up... but get with it people, your career should be something you LOVE. Something that you have a passion for, and when you go, you aren't waiting for your lunch hour or for the clock to strike 5:00. Falling in love with you career is also a way of discovering yourself, what your interests are, as well as your strengths. When you find out what you are really good at (plus getting paid for it), you'll be happier than you've ever been, and you'll be proud of your accomplishments whole-heartedly!
3) Friendship
- Have best friends, have acquaintances, have night life friends... it doesn't matter how many different friends you have, just as long as you value each and everyone in someway. Loving your friends is extremely important, as it gives you a chance to fall in love, but not with people who are your "soul-mates" so to speak. Loving friends will give you that stepping stone to knowing what it is like to loving someone without any biological attachments. It's about loving my choice, and it's important to know that you are capable of that before embarking on a serious relationship.
4) Family
- Never neglect your family. You are biologically and genetically connected to these people, but science aside, these are the people who will have your back no matter what. No matter what road you are on in life, you can always go back home. So hug your momma, call your grandma, and laugh with your daddy... and in the end, love them a ridiculous amount, because you know they love you.
- Now retracting my first statement, biological/genetics connection do not always make a family. This is where you have to dig deeper, and love passionately for those you consider your family... because if they love you without those biological strings, you'll know that they care about you unconditionally, and don't take advantage of that love!
- Family also allows you to see how the "men of the house" treat the women. The men of your family will likely be a good example of what you want to look for in a man. For example, my daddy... he's the MOST caring, generous, and big-hearted man I know. I want to be with someone who shares those qualities, because my dad is selfless, and that is something every girl deserve. Now, Steve (aka, "Pa"), has taught me all of those lessons as well. The way he treats my mom blows the lid off of anything else any man has ever done for any other woman... he's a true gem. So that proves, there are influences other than just from a biological stand-point! Basically, find the men in your life that influence your romantic decisions. Don't settle for less than you deserve, EVER.
4) Food
- Yeah... this one looks to be a recipe for obesity. I'm not saying eat a gallon of ice cream every day after work, I'm saying to not close yourself off to foods just because they don't meet your "calorie limit." Be healthy, but at the same time, life is too short to the joy of all things edible. Cashew chicken, tacos, ice-cream... eat what you can, while you can. And FALL IN LOVE with food. Get excited about trying a new restaurant, get pumped about the new coffee shop down the street, because with food, there is also culture. You go to different restaurants, trying different styles of food, and in the end, you just end up with great tasting food with a side of education! And hey, food is also a way to connect with your friends and family, so get some people together and go see what new on the scene!
5) Education
- Never, ever, EVER stop learning. Go to college, get your master's, heck, even your doctorate! But maybe college isn't your thing? Then learn in other ways! Travel, read, research... just keep filling your brain with knowledge that interests you (and maybe sprinkle some things in there that don't). Learn all you can before you decide to learn about someone else... because while you'll spending all of this time learning, you'll also learn more about yourself.
6) Wanderlust
- Travel, travel, TRAVEL! Don't just say, "I want to go there someday." DO IT. Do it alone, or bring some friends, but go somewhere that you have always dreamed of! Backpacking across Europe, roaming through the streets of Dubai, just do it. And do it for YOU, while your life is still about you. No strings attached! Just you and the open world.
7) Your Wardrobe
- This one is my personal favorite. I say, in order to lovely yourself completely, you have to love how you look. And this isn't about being tall, short, skinny, fat, or anything of those awful descriptors that don't apply to how beautiful we are... it's about having that dress that makes you feel alive, or that blazer that makes you feel like you can rule the boardroom. Fill your wardrobe with pieces that make you feel confident and strong, and the most important part, is that you love wearing them... and you love YOURSELF in them. :)
8) Yourself
- I think I've made this point rather obvious through-out this entire entry, but listen to me. If you're 15, 16, 17... and you claim to be "ridiculously in love," you may be right. But put the brakes on it a little bit... you're still SO YOUNG! I mean really, I'll bet you 10 bucks the most travelling you have done through-out your life involved your parents, mini-vans, and stops a places that you weren't even sure you liked. With that being said, you haven't had a chance to discover whether you're meant to stay where you are at. What if you discover your love for art, and there's a school in a city five states away... are you going to say no, and risk never really finding yourself? With that being said, if you're in your prime, don't waste it. If your gut is telling you that you're meant for something more, don't ignore it, or you'll be left with years of regret. Following your dreams is the best way to fall in love with yourself, because your dreams are YOURS. And your dreams, are your own. You created them, and that is what makes you unique... so follow your passion, your heart, and yourself, no matter where life takes you, always have a healthy relationship with who you are. LOVE who you are.
9) God
- This one isn't at the bottom for any particular reason, I just thought that it would be a good one to close with. God, the big man upstairs, who always has your back. No matter how big you've messed up, or how bad you hurt, or even whatever mistakes you've made... you're love for God should always be unconditional, as His is the same for you. Try your best (and believe me, I know how hard it is), to go by His word. He is the reason for your blessings, for the life you have, and for the future life, which you know absolutely nothing about yet. I didn't really used to be all that great with this whole "God" thing, and I wouldn't say that I'm an all-star at it... but even when I fall astray, He still loves me, and that's something that makes me cling to him closely. Love him, with all of your heart.
- And if God isn't really your thing, no judgment to you, we all have our own way of viewing the world. But I will say to you... believe in something. Believe in hope, believe in faith, and believe in love, the kind that comes before any long-term relationship.
That's all my loves, stay dry this 4th of July Weekend (if it's rainy in your city)!
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